My problem is that, wherever I go, there I am.
I take all of me with me everywhere I go. Try as I might, I just can’t seem to leave parts of me behind, especially the parts I don’t like and would rather live without. Wouldn’t it be convenient if we could lop off negative experiences and leave them back in, say, 1967 or 1972? What if we could just exercise our will to not think like we’ve ever thought or to not act like we always seem to act?
The forgiveness of sins is one thing. The habitual patterns we seem to carry with us–negativity, fearfulness, anxiety–are another thing. SO, if we must carry who we are with us always (and we must), how will we live with ourselves? I think the secret is Colossians 3:3, “For you have died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”
Transformation doesn’t seem to happen all at once like BOOM or KAPOW, but a little at a time. Maybe realizing more that whatever I am, sins and all, is hidden in Christ can make the daily stuff a little easier to manage. Maybe realizing a little more that what I consider worth being anxious over today is nothing, literally nothing, to God could help me be a little more okay with myself.
In the end, I must fight to hold onto my identity as a hidden one in Christ.